The Art of Unjoining: Standing Out When It Feels Easier to Blend In

Exploring the delicate balance between adapting to fit in and embracing your true creative identity, even when it attracts heat. How the power of “unmatching” can help us navigate the unfamiliar.

Creatives are chameleons. Sometimes by choice, feeling freedom in shifting our style, body of work, or process. Often, though, we adapt out of necessity. Reading the room and deciding how much to join or unjoin a group to fit in. More often, we choose to unjoin, standing out instead of blending in. This can go smoothly at times, but other times, it attracts significant heat, leading to invalidation, judgment, and punishment for not just conforming.

Existing outside the box, in the fray, outside the lines, and keeping it weird is, in essence, unmatching. When we unjoin, we energetically unmatch from the group, which can make things sticky. This unmatching exposes us to heat for not matching the group’s energy.

When we do join a group, it's rare to match upward, toward expansion, creativity, and ingenuity. More often, creatives match downward, containing themselves within an old paradigm of not standing out or making waves, simply because it's easier for survival. But this is not who we are.

My teacher, a truly gifted psychic and medium, often tells others he teaches meditation. Is this true? Absolutely. But this is a very small version of what he does and who he is. A grain of sand. Calling himself a meditation teacher is a way to match, to join, when he feels the need to fit in. 

Sometimes matching is just easier. We get tired. 

A few months ago, I found myself as a chameleon. My daughter had a graduation event at her new school, a weekend of activities for new students, current students, parents, and teachers. She planned to meet up with friends, and I had a schedule of events, from parent meet-and-greets to carnival games and food trucks. I was uncertain.

I've always handled heat and lit people up. It comes with the territory of this lifetime. I tend to unjoin and unmatch more often than not, and it's not always comfortable.

I can remember shortly after becoming a licensed psychotherapist, I attended a holiday party at my husband’s office. When introduced, a woman said, “Therapist, oh no. I bet you're trying to analyze me right now. You all think you’re so smart.” I replied, “I wasn’t analyzing you before, but I sure as hell am now. Nice to meet you.” And walked away.

Heat. Hilarious heat.

Preparing for the trip to my daughter’s campus, I thought of my teacher. Maybe I’ll just tell people I’m a psychotherapist. That’s easy. People know what that is. It's not as ambiguous as saying artist and certainly less wild than saying “muse” and explaining all the weird and wonderful things I do in my current role.

Still, psychotherapist felt very much in the past for me. It remains a very important part of who I am and I rely on my lessons there daily when working with clients, but the title felt incomplete now. Distant. And really, really, old. It didn't feel exciting. And I wanted to feel excited about sharing what I do. 

I should say that when it comes to the group we are about to enter into on behalf of my daughter, I am already unmatched. There is only so much I can join, even if I wanted to. 

This group is a bunch of super nerds. I love nerds. I am a nerd. My kid is a giant nerd. But none of us are as nerdy as this group we are about to become a part of. These are the inventors of things. The people in the lab. The brains behind the rocket. The researchers, leaders, game changers. The people who are inventing the ways in which we will live tomorrow and for the next 50 years. If I am a nerd, this group is nerd supercharged times infinity. My environmentalist husband, my daughter the poly sci constitutional law enthusiast, and me the artist, psychotherapist, writer, and Muse are already existing on the fringe. 

The more I thought about it, the more I realized I was trying to find ways to join. Me, a notorious outlier. A doñas de fuera. A Woman of the Outside. I was worried about what the impact on my daughter might be if I made no attempt to join. If I stayed unmatched.

I thought about what it might mean to match. What my version of “meditation teacher” might be. 

Hi, I’m Lisa. 

I’m the Clinical Advisor at Telos, a research-backed positive psychology personal AI that reinvents journaling and coaching to help Gen Z find their purpose and thrive personally and in the workplace. I am currently overseeing an impact study based upon the Harvard Flourishing Index to measure the impact of our tool on users. 

And that’s all true. But I bet you didn’t know any of that about me! Why? Because I probably only spend a few hours a month in this role.  Out of the tens of hours a week I spend working with clients, writing, and in continuing education and cultivation of my energy skills and abilities. 

I sat with this version of myself for a bit. It felt true. Right. Also incomplete. Was that okay? I needed a little space from all this. 

When I was able to sit in a wider perspective, I realized that this is primarily my daughter’s group. It is not mine. It is hers to join and match or not. Her sovereignty. Her heat. All that matters in this group is who I am to her. And that felt like all the joining I needed to do. If I feel called to match, match there. 

Here’s how that went. 

Hi, I’m Lisa. I do a lot of things, but I like being Halo’s mom best. 

And this is always true. Joined or not. 

Blessings to all riding the back to school wave this week. If you are looking for a truly weird way of looking at school as a system, check out this Joy is Now episode I recorded back in 2021. Onward and upward or sideways and backwards. I'm here for it.

xxx

LAS

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FULL MOON

8-19-24

Aquarius

Gate 30: The Gate of Feelings

As we approach the Full Moon in Aquarius on August 19, 2024, we are invited to immerse ourselves in a journey of emotional exploration and authenticity. Aquarius, the visionary Air sign, illuminates the night sky, urging us to embrace innovation, individuality, and humanitarian ideals. This celestial event occurs in the 11th House, highlighting themes of community, social consciousness, and our collective aspirations for the future.

Aquarius, ruled by Uranus, inspires us to break free from conventions and embrace progressive thinking. It encourages us to seek unconventional solutions and to honor our unique perspectives and contributions to the world. This Full Moon prompts us to reflect on how we can contribute positively to society while remaining true to our authentic selves.

Paired with Gate 30, The Gate of Feelings in Human Design, this Full Moon amplifies our emotional landscape. Gate 30 encourages us to delve deep into our feelings, acknowledging them as valuable sources of insight and wisdom. It invites us to honor our emotional authenticity and to express ourselves genuinely, fostering deeper connections with others based on mutual understanding and empathy.

This Full Moon is a powerful catalyst for personal growth and transformation. It prompts us to examine our emotional responses and how they influence our interactions and relationships. It invites us to release outdated emotional patterns that no longer serve us and to embrace a more liberated and emotionally fulfilling path.

Journal Prompts to Deepen Your Full Moon Experience

1. Reflect on your connection with community: How do your values align with collective aspirations? What role can you play in contributing positively to your community or social circle?

2. Explore your emotional landscape: How do you handle and express your feelings? Are there emotions or patterns you're ready to release to foster greater emotional authenticity and freedom?

3. Evaluate your individuality and uniqueness: In what ways do you express your true self? How can you honor your individuality while contributing to the collective vision of a better world?

4. Contemplate your visions for the future: What aspirations or goals do you have that contribute to a more progressive and inclusive society? How can you integrate these aspirations into your daily life and interactions?

Embrace the energy of this Full Moon in Aquarius and Gate 30 to deepen your emotional awareness, nurture meaningful connections, and align with your authentic self-expression. Use this period for introspection, growth, and fostering a vision of a more harmonious and enlightened future.

Ready to explore more about your Human Design and astrological influences? Schedule a reading with me to delve deeper into your unique cosmic blueprint.

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SOLAR TRANSIT

8-23-24

Gate 59

Gate of Sexuality

On August 23, the sun gracefully transits Gate 59, the Gate of Sexuality. During this celestial transit, you are invited to embark on a journey of intimacy and connection. Gate 59 encourages a deep exploration of your ability to cultivate meaningful relationships and channel your energies into creating bonds that are both profound and transformative.

The energy of Gate 59 advocates for embracing the power of intimate connections. It is a time to open yourself to vulnerability, to explore the depths of your relationships with others. This gate emphasizes the importance of breaking down barriers and establishing authentic, deep bonds. By fostering genuine intimacy, you gain the ability to connect on a profound level, both emotionally and physically.

However, this energy comes with its own challenges. Those experiencing the transit of Gate 59 may struggle with feelings of insecurity or fear of rejection. The urge to protect oneself from potential hurt by avoiding deep connections can be strong. It is crucial to recognize that the power of Gate 59 lies in its ability to foster courage and openness in the face of vulnerability. By resisting the urge to withdraw, you can harness the full potential of this gate’s energy.

To enhance the frequency of Gate 59, cultivate practices that support openness and connection. Engage in activities such as deep conversations, partner exercises, or any method that helps you build trust and intimacy. This period is ideal for reflecting on your relationships and the ways in which you can deepen your bonds with others. By embracing vulnerability, you create a space for transformative connections and profound understanding.

Gate 59 tasks you with the opportunity to develop emotional resilience and authentic expression. It is a reminder that true intimacy often requires the courage to be vulnerable and the willingness to connect deeply with others. This gate also provides a chance to reflect on how you can use your capacity for intimacy to support and nurture others. Consider how your ability to form deep connections can positively influence those around you.

Here are some journaling prompts to deepen your understanding and engagement with this transit:

1. Reflect on your ability to embrace intimacy: How comfortable are you with being vulnerable and forming deep connections? Consider how these relationships can enhance your emotional well-being.

2. Explore your courage in relationships: Are there areas in your life where you tend to avoid deep connections out of fear? Reflect on how you can cultivate more courage and openness.

3. Contemplate your relationships: How can you use this period to deepen your bonds with others? Consider the steps you need to take to build trust and intimacy.

4. Consider your impact on others: How does your ability to form deep connections influence those around you? Reflect on how you can support and nurture others with your openness and vulnerability.

By aligning with the energy of Gate 59, you can enhance your capacity for intimacy, emotional resilience, and authentic expression. This transit offers a valuable opportunity to embrace the power of deep connections and use them as a foundation for transformative and meaningful relationships.

NEW PROMPT!!

Do you know about Tapping? It can be an effective addition to energy work and nervous system regulation. Many of my Mentorship clients include Tapping as part of their daily ritual. You can learn more about Tapping and how to do it below.

EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique Tapping Prompt for this transit. 

“Even though it makes me anxious to be vulnerable and open to deep connections, I now trust that intimacy and authenticity bring great moments of connection and alignment, and I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”

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THE CREATIVE

Welcome to The Creative. Twice a month I share quotes from the books, Art is the Highest Form of Hope and The Creative Act. I find perspectives on the creative process to be so meta when it comes to life. We are a creative process and everything we do is subject to the same rules. Creation is non-linear. It's messy. It moves forward and backward. And also gets stuck. Often times we do not realize the purpose of a singular creative process until years later. Creativity likes to surprise us. 

“You pose a certain set of questions in one group of paintings and you want to answer them in the next.”- Cecily Brown

Oh I just love this. I cannot think of many things more beautiful than contemplating how our work, whatever that may be, creates questions and answers for us along the way. 

One of my absolute favorite delights in life is to witness evolution. We can never imagine where life will take us, even though at times it may seem like we are on a predictable journey. I love seeing this in others and I often wonder if my age plays an important part in being able to step back and see where someone started and where they are now. Evolution takes time. 

A few weeks ago, as I enjoyed the Olympics, I couldn't help but delight in watching Snoop Dogg. His music was an integral part of my teen and college years. Those early music videos are legendary, and it wasn't a house party without The Chronic in 1993. I could never have imagined that Snoop would become one of the greatest ambassadors of the Olympic Games. He probably didn't either.

Sometimes, the interplay of questions and answers is a collaboration. Snoop continued to work, create, and grow. He posed questions that led to answers, revealing a role he might not have envisioned for himself. This ongoing dialogue between inquiry and discovery is where the magic of evolution truly unfolds.

And how about Flavor Flav? Being called to sponsor the Women's Water Polo Team! Who could have seen that coming? Somehow, a question posed during his time with Public Enemy found its answer in this unexpected way. Years later, his success from that body of work allowed him to provide unbridled support and enthusiasm for something entirely new to him. His earlier work became directly important and influential, ultimately providing an answer for someone else. How exciting is that?