What Grief Can Teach Us About Resistance
How embracing curiosity in the depths of loss opens the door to healing.
I spend most of my time surrounded by the curious. My clients, regardless of their questions, are seekers. Endlessly so. They experiment, innovate, and live in the gray areas, where curiosity shapes their world.
My cohort of fellow energy scholars challenges my mind with questions I never imagined. Questions that stretch the membrane of what is real, what is not, and what might be possible. They are curious too.
Curiosity, I’ve learned, is delicious.
I didn’t expect to begin the year with a singular question. I wasn’t looking for one. But as I spent time curious about the idea of resistance, a question arrived.
It surprised me.
Grief has been my greatest teacher. It has sent shockwaves through my life, casting me from every shore I’ve tried to cling to. Time and again, it reminds me: I’m not made for the shore. I’m made for the sea. Yet whenever grief tosses me into its depths, I resist. I scramble to find land, to anchor myself, to orient. The struggle is exhausting. Until I remember: maybe there’s not much for me on shore. Maybe my ease is in the drift, in riding the waves rather than fighting them.
Sound familiar?
Grief is laden with resistance. Across disciplines. Psychology, medicine, spirituality. Grief is understood as a force that changes everything. Inside and out. And it’s not something we solve. Grief is something we learn to communicate with. To live alongside. Over time, we may improve this conversation, but grief itself doesn’t soften or shrink. Still, we try to wrestle it into submission. And that’s where resistance thrives. In the wrestle. Grief hurts. Physically, emotionally, energetically. And reminds us how little we truly control. It moves when it wants. It surprises, it burns, it heals in crooked lines. And most of us resist being led by anything, especially something as unruly as grief.
I don’t want to feel sad anymore. That would be wonderful. But it’s not in the cards. Sadness is simply part of daily life now. I miss my friend. Often. I sit in moments of doubt, questioning whether it all was real. Was he real? Were we friends? Did he exist? Will I forget him? Evidence always answers, yes he was real. How lucky to have known him.
And yet, there’s more. Because I still get to know him.
We argue, even now. Me in my body, him in his current form. When sadness surfaces, I’ll say aloud, “Shit, I miss you so much.” And then he’s there, pushing against what I think I know to be true.
“You miss my body,” he says. “That’s how you knew me. But that’s not me. I’m here. All of me. When you miss my body, you don’t see me. I like it when you see all of me.”
I laugh. I apologize. I feel his hurt. Not the same hurt as before, when we were both in bodies, but a familiar tone. What we share now is a different translation of loss. Communication between us still falters, and the script of my resistance plays out. But I’m trying.
I miss you.
“You miss a part of me.”
Right.
Can’t I miss that too?
“Yes, but it’s such a small part of me.”
Right.
“I’m all here. There’s nothing to miss.”
But there is.
“Yeah, but that’s not me.”
Right.
Is that it, then? Is grief so hard because I resist seeing you as you are now? Because I’m tied to who we were in bodies, when we are so much more than that?
“Between us, right now, yes.”
This is the question that arrived for me: Where am I resistant in my grief? What if I fully accepted my friend as he is now, in this new form? The thought feels expansive. Big, majestic, a little terrifying. It requires a leap of faith. Trust. I don’t expect this idea to resolve my grief. Grief doesn’t work like that. But resistance is sticky, and I know this question could loosen something I don’t need to carry.
So why not?
What if I let this question lead me, or at least drift alongside it? Grief, in all its messy beauty, invites curiosity. Shit, it is so terrible and so beautiful. Grief asks us to wonder, to explore, and to open ourselves to what is possible, even when it feels impossible. Perhaps that’s the gift of resistance. It calls us to notice where we are holding too tightly, and to consider, even for a moment, just letting go.
What is one area of your life where you feel resistance? How might curiosity help you approach it differently?
THE CREATIVE
Welcome to The Creative. Twice a month I share quotes from the books, Art is the Highest Form of Hope and The Creative Act. I find perspectives on the creative process to be so meta when it comes to life. We are a creative process and everything we do is subject to the same rules. Creation is non-linear. It's messy. It moves forward and backward. And also gets stuck. Oftentimes we do not realize the purpose of a singular creative process until years later. Creativity likes to surprise us.
“I’ll arrange ways for things to be unpredictable.” - Kiki Smith
Creativity thrives in the unexpected. Kiki Smith’s words suggest an active surrender, a conscious decision to court chaos. This intentional embrace of unpredictability challenges the deeply ingrained desire for control, especially within the creative process. In a world that often values precision, predictability, and efficiency, Smith’s sentiment feels rebellious, even subversive. It invites us to loosen our grip and allow the unexpected to flow through us, transforming our work and, in turn, ourselves.
When we consider creativity as a living, breathing process rather than a fixed output, the idea of unpredictability becomes a vital ingredient. Art is rarely born from carefully mapped-out plans. Instead, it emerges from the interplay of intention and accident, discipline and freedom. To arrange for unpredictability is to acknowledge the essential role of surprise and serendipity in creation. It’s not about relinquishing control entirely but about crafting spaces where the unforeseen can take root and flourish, even when there are looming deadlines.
In both leadership and creativity unpredictability frees us from the grip of perfection. Also, perfection is okay. I might stand alone in this opinion, but as creatives we spend a lot of time and practice understanding when something is represented perfectly. It is part of the work. Part of the artist’s eye. An expectation. Yet, in seeking to control every aspect of the creative process, we can inadvertently suffocate our work. The messy, nonlinear nature of creativity demands that we loosen our expectations. By arranging for the unexpected, we create opportunities for our work to evolve in ways we couldn’t have imagined. Often, these detours lead to breakthroughs. Those moments of clarity and inspiration that feel like gifts from an unseen force. Though we know these magical moments grow from discipline and practice. And allowing ourselves to listen to the work and what is needed.
For those who want to follow Smith’s lead, here are a few ways to infuse unpredictability into your creative practice and leadership:
Where can you create space for surprise in your work or leadership?
What would it look like to see failure as a tool rather than a setback?
How might letting go of control in one area today inspire growth?
Unpredictability isn’t a threat. It's a source of possibility. By letting go of control, we allow creativity and leadership to evolve in powerful, surprising ways. When we trust the process we unlock the potential for something truly extraordinary.
What’s one way you’ve embraced unpredictability in your creative process or leadership, and what surprising outcome did it lead to?
SOLAR TRANSIT
In Human Design, a solar transit shifts our energy as the Sun moves through Gates; use it to tap into fresh creative inspiration.
1-11-25
Gate 61
The Gate of Mystery
On January 11, the sun gracefully transits Gate 61, also known as the Gate of Mystery. During this celestial shift, you are invited to embark on a profound journey of self-discovery. Gate 61 provides a welcome opportunity to delve deep into your inner realm, with a specific focus on understanding how you approach the unknown and mysterious.
As the sun makes its way through Gate 61, it casts a luminous light upon a path ripe for an exploration of the energies propelling you toward the discernment of how to let go of needing to find an answer or know why.
Gate 61 acts as a catalyst, inspiring contemplation of your inner truth, marked by a profound awareness that distinguishes between knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge resides in the mind, whereas wisdom emerges when knowledge is seamlessly woven into the fabric of the body. This Gate also recognizes the subjectivity of truth, encouraging an open-hearted and open-minded approach.
Gate 61 contends with the burden of addressing life's paramount question: Why am I here? It grapples with a sense of being lost or overwhelmed by the weight of this existential query.
The key to elevating this energy lies in the cultivation of practices that create space, facilitating a surrender to the mysteries inherent in life.
Here are some journaling prompts to deepen your understanding and engagement with this transit:
1.Recall a time when you got lost in the "why" of a situation. How did it feel, and what steps can you take to ground yourself and find clarity when faced with existential questions?
2. Consider a knowledge or skill you've recently acquired. How can you integrate this newfound knowledge into your daily life to transform it into wisdom?
3.Identify a mystery or uncertainty in your life. How can you create space to surrender to the unknown and find peace in embracing life's mysteries?
4. Reflect on a recent experience where you felt a deep sense of inner truth. How did this awareness manifest, and what insights did it bring to light?
During this transit of Gate 61, explore the interplay between inner truth and external pressures, recognizing the transformative potential of integrating knowledge into wisdom. Embrace the subjective nature of truth, navigate existential questions with grace, and cultivate practices that allow for surrender to life's mysteries, elevating your energy and fostering a deeper connection to your inner self.
TAPPING PROMPT
Do you know about Tapping? It can be an effective addition to energy work and nervous system regulation. Many of my Mentorship clients include Tapping as part of their daily ritual. You can learn more about Tapping and how to do it by hitting the button below.
EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique Tapping Prompt for this transit.
“Even though I do not know all the answers, I now choose to surrender and trust that I am loved, supported, and nurtured by sovereignty and the energy that is the Universe.”
Ready to explore more about your unique cosmic influences and Human Design? Schedule a reading with me to uncover deeper insights into your personal journey and potential.
