When Grief and Creativity Collide: Returning to the Work That Waits

Wrestling with a novel steeped in loss, I’ve come to see how grief shapes the creative process, how waiting becomes wisdom, and why some projects are never truly finished.

Last week, I finally returned to my novel. The work has lingered in silence for months. I simply haven’t been ready. While I’ve jotted down short lists of next steps, dialogue, and key moments, the energy needed to sit with these ideas and weave them into something cohesive has remained out of reach.

Energy has been present, but it’s been drawn toward other things: painting, hiking, skateboarding, cultivating my studies. Yet the specific energy required to be deeply immersed in my novel, the stamina to connect these ideas in a meaningful way has been absent. This kind of effort requires a certain flavor of endurance, not the physical stamina that builds muscle or expands lung capacity, but an emotional one.

I don’t think I’ve ever worked on a project as emotionally charged as this. It sounds almost comical to say, even to myself. Over the years, I’ve created countless bodies of work, whether as a fine artist or a writer, and each has been rich with emotion. All containing an obstacle to cross. An integration to unlock. My life’s portfolio has always tapped into the truths of who I was at those moments in time. But this? This feels different. It feels bigger.

And it is.

Writing Part One of the draft was a burial. Over and over again. An unearthing, then filling in. Digging holes, moving earth. A ceremony.

When I wasn’t sad, I was in a state of melancholy. A feeling of seeking, knowing the end will only lead to the same truth. And this was somehow exhausting, even in fiction.

Flow is possible alongside melancholy. If you ever wondered this, I can say it is possible. I did it. Found it, and managed to create, feeling the gravity of being pulled into longing.

The process is slow, but it does yield the work. And the work can indeed be good.

I often wonder, what would I advise myself if I were my client? If I had a deadline looming? If I couldn’t give the slog of it all space and time. What would I do?

Maureen Ackerman, my junior year writing teacher and the editor of our high school literary magazine used to stress the importance of time. “Some things are just too soon for us to write about,” she would say. Of course at 17, I immediately tried to test this theory and found myself struggling to write about anything that still felt very close, even if fictionalized. I suppose this is true of my current endeavor. The story lies on top of me in a way that sometimes I cannot breathe. It is heavy, close, and a bit suffocating.

In this passing of time, I think what Maureen was really referencing was that we must allow for the opportunity of integration.

And integration is one of those things we can cultivate and foster through energy work, therapy, and a connection between spirit and body, but what we integrate on what timeline, remains impossible to determine and separate out. Integration kind of runs on its own schedule, regardless.

So what do we do when the clock is ticking?

Turns out, many things.

Do the work. Maintain the practice. For my clients and myself that means daily energy work, meditation, thoughtful conversation, and the time and space to focus on the nature of the creative process.

This next part hurts.

Sometimes things just aren’t ready. We have to abandon a great idea. Something that feels close, nearly there, because for whatever reason we cannot get down to the genius of it. This happens often in music and advertising. My musician clients will step away from a song, put it aside, for a later time. This is an act of faith and often comes along with feelings of loss and frustration. As creatives we know when we are onto a great thing. To let go and put it aside when the work becomes more about trying to force it into being ready than allowing ourselves to listen to what the piece needs is the signal. The red flag. Put it down. Walk away. It sucks but is the right move.

A song might sit in a drawer for years before it emerges for a different album and experience can touch it in a way that wasn’t available before.

In advertising, a campaign might be ditched to resurface for a different client in a different way years later.

The work is never wasted. Just not ripe.

Starting over is hard, especially on a deadline, but more time is spent trying to force something into a place it is unwilling to go than to start fresh with something that has a trajectory that is willing to arrive.

Also, I’d get in there. An idea might be stuck because of external energies that have very little to do with the artist. As we expand and ascend in our skillset, we are disruptive. Creativity is a relationship. A kind of love, and love is disruptive. Don’t seek out love if you never want to change. Don’t pick up a paint brush either. Both will change you and both require a willingness to change. Resistance can sit upon all this. Creative acts light up energy. Looking at the work from a clairvoyant perspective is helpful. Reading it, saying hello, gets the energy moving. Every single time.

So why haven't I leaned into all of these methods myself?

I have but not specifically around this body of work.

For one, this project has no deadline. No expectation. No need to ever be finished. There is no one waiting on this novel.

This act is more about my creative process. And more than that, this act is about grief.

I could only wish that somehow finishing this book would mark the end of my grief. That’s kind of hilarious isn’t it? If that were true it would mean I had simply stopped living. By the time I finish this novel, if I am truly living, truly participating in life, I will be grieving something else too.

I do not foresee a time ever existing where I am no longer grieving my friend. I do not foresee a time in my life when I ever step aside from participating. Loving. Witnessing. Collaborating. Creating. All of these acts are risks as they bring grief closer.

Grief must be an important part of being alive, otherwise we wouldn’t experience it over and over again.

This novel will be finished one day.

This grief will not.

xxx

LAS

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IN HARMONY

Music serves as a vital source of inspiration in my creative process. It acts as a catalyst, shaping my mood and sparking new ideas. Whether I’m diving into intricate details or dreaming big, the rhythms and melodies guide my thoughts and fuel my imagination. Each song carries its own energy, helping me navigate the complexities of the creative process. Music allows me to let go, surrender to the work, and listen. It is an essential companion.

Once a month, I eagerly share a song that resonates deeply with me. Music has been an unwavering companion in my life, consistently infusing immense joy into my days.

This is old news now, but a handful of months ago Billie Eilish performed a live version of some of the songs off her new album Hit Me Hard and Soft for Amazon Music. Wildflower is wow. All the things that make Billie such an incredible artist are on display in this performance. It’s well, hard and soft. Worth a listen even if you are familiar with the album version. That smile at the end though. You can find the live version on video here. The album version is on the playlist. What are you listening to these days?

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FULL MOON

In Human Design and astrology, the lunar cycles shift our energy as the moon moves through Gates and zodiac signs; use it to tap into fresh creative inspiration.

12-15-24

Gemini

Gate 12: The Gate of Caution

The upcoming Full Moon on December 15, 2024, in Gemini invites us to embrace themes of communication, versatility, and thoughtful consideration. Gemini, the curious and adaptable Air sign, governs this lunar phase, emphasizing themes of communication, learning, and the exchange of ideas. This celestial event occurs in the 3rd House, highlighting our communication styles, intellect, and local environment.

Gemini, ruled by Mercury, encourages us to engage in open dialogue, embrace flexibility in our thinking, and seek diverse perspectives. It inspires us to express ourselves clearly, learn from others, and adapt to changing circumstances with agility. This Full Moon prompts us to reflect on our communication patterns, intellectual pursuits, and how we engage with our immediate surroundings.

Paired with Gate 12, The Gate of Caution in Human Design, this Full Moon amplifies our ability to approach decisions and communication with careful consideration. Gate 12 encourages us to weigh our options, exercise discernment, and avoid rushing into decisions impulsively. It challenges us to balance curiosity with caution as we navigate new information and interactions.

This Full Moon in Gemini and Gate 12 invites us to embrace curiosity and intellectual exploration. It encourages us to reflect on our communication styles, cultivate clarity in our expressions, and engage in meaningful dialogue that fosters understanding and connection.

Journal Prompts to Deepen Your Full Moon Experience

1. Reflect on your communication style: How do you express yourself verbally and non-verbally? Are there ways you can enhance clarity and effectiveness in your communication?

2. Explore diverse perspectives: How open are you to different viewpoints and ideas? What steps can you take to broaden your understanding and embrace diversity in perspectives?

3. Evaluate your decision-making process: How do you approach important decisions in your life? Are there areas where you can exercise more caution and discernment?

4. Contemplate the power of words: How do your words impact others? How can you use language to build bridges and foster meaningful connections in your relationships?

Embrace the energy of this Full Moon in Gemini and Gate 12 as an opportunity for intellectual growth, clear communication, and thoughtful consideration. Allow yourself to reflect on your communication habits, engage in meaningful dialogue, and navigate decisions with mindfulness and discernment.

Ready to explore more about your unique cosmic influences and Human Design? Schedule a reading with me to uncover deeper insights into your personal journey and potential.

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SOLAR TRANSIT

In Human Design, a solar transit shifts our energy as the Sun moves through Gates; use it to tap into fresh creative inspiration.

12-20-24

Gate 10

The Gate of Behavior of the Self

On December 20, the sun gracefully transits Gate 10, known as the Gate of Behavior of the Self. During this celestial transit, you're invited to embark on a deeply introspective voyage of self-discovery. Gate 10 offers a profound opportunity to delve into your inner realm, particularly focusing on cultivating radical self-love.

As the sun moves through Gate 10, it illuminates the path to a rich exploration of the energies that propel you towards deep acceptance and self-love. This transit serves as a gentle guide, prompting you to discern your needs, values, and desires honoring them as the foundation for supporting authenticity and self-acceptance.

Gate 10 inspires the mastery of honoring your needs and prioritizing them irrespective of external judgment. It encourages an alignment within yourself urging you to lead by example and provide an illuminating light of self-love to those around you.

However, it is crucial to be mindful of the potential challenges of Gate 10's energy – the risk of being unable to honor your own needs and desires. To waver in your energetic sovereignty and act only to please others first, allowing for your energy to become second to others.

As the sun transits Gate 10, let this be a time of mindful introspection, where you navigate the delicate task of radical self-love. Embrace the wisdom of Gate 10 to honor your needs and desires.

Here are some journaling prompts to deepen your understanding and engagement with this transit:

1. How can radical self-love guide your introspective journey?

2. Can you maintain a balance between pleasing others and ensuring your energy centers on your needs and desires?

3. How can you recognize your needs to inspire a more authentic way of living?

4. In what ways can you embody self-love?

TAPPING PROMPT

Do you know about Tapping? It can be an effective addition to energy work and nervous system regulation. Many of my Mentorship clients include Tapping as part of their daily ritual. You can learn more about Tapping and how to do it by hitting the button below.

EFT - Emotional Freedom Technique Tapping Prompt for this transit.

“Even though I struggle with loving myself, I now choose to be open to discovering how to do so with authenticity, and I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”

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WINTER SOLSTICE

The Winter Solstice: A Time of Pause, Reflection, and Renewal

As the year draws to a close, we approach a powerful energetic milestone: the Winter Solstice on December 21. The longest night of the year invites us to pause, reflect, and honor both the shadows and the light. It’s a liminal moment, brimming with potential, and a beautiful opportunity to explore our inner landscape while setting intentions for the cycle ahead.

In Human Design, the energy of the Solstice often feels like a pivot point. It coincides with the Sun entering Gate 10, also known as the Gate of Self-Love. This energy calls us to realign with our authentic selves. It’s a reminder to reconnect with our unique purpose and honor the inner wisdom we’ve cultivated throughout the year. It also asks: How are you showing up for yourself? What practices are nourishing your soul?

Astrologically, this Solstice is a threshold moment. The Sun moves into Capricorn, an earth sign deeply tied to structure, discipline, and ambition. Capricorn energy encourages us to take stock of where we are and map out where we’re headed, all while staying grounded in reality. With the foundations of your creative work in mind, consider these questions:

What structures support your creative flow?

Where do you need to simplify or fortify?

How can you build sustainable practices that honor your creative genius without burning out?

The Solstice marks a turning of the tide. While we still rest in winter’s embrace, the days begin to lengthen, reminding us that light always returns. This interplay of darkness and light mirrors the creative process itself—moments of gestation and introspection lead to bursts of inspiration and growth.

Journal Prompts for the Winter Solstice

1. Reflect on the Year’s Lessons

   What are three key lessons 2024 has taught you about your creative practice, resilience, or self-expression?

   How have these lessons shaped the way you approach your work and yourself?

2. Plant Your Seeds of Intention

   If this Solstice were the beginning of a new creative cycle, what would you like to grow?

   What small, meaningful steps can you take in the coming weeks to nurture those seeds?

3. Embrace the Darkness and Welcome the Light

   What aspects of your creative process thrive in quiet, reflective, or dark periods?

   How do you honor the light—moments of inspiration, visibility, and connection?

4. Reconnect with Joy in Your Work

   When was the last time you created something purely for the joy of it?

   What would it feel like to give yourself permission to create without expectations or outcomes?

This Solstice is an invitation to embrace your complexity and celebrate the turning of your creative seasons. May it bring you clarity, renewal, and the courage to continue honoring your vision, your genius, and your light.

Warm wishes and bright beginnings,

xxx
Lisa

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